Sticks and Stones

There is a 19th century folktale about a man who went about town slandering the town’s wise man. One day, he went to the wise man’s home and asked for forgiveness. The wise man, realizing that this man had not internalized the gravity of his transgressions, told him that he would forgive him on one condition: that he go home, take a feather pillow from his house, cut it up, and scatter the feathers to the wind. After he had done so, he should then return to the wise man’s house.

Though puzzled by this strange request, the man was happy to be let off with so easy a penance. He quickly cut up the pillow, scattered the feathers, and returned to the house.

“Am I now forgiven?” he asked.

“Just one more thing,” the wise man said. “Go now and gather up all the feathers.”

“But that’s impossible. The wind has already scattered them.”

“Precisely,” he answered. “And though you may truly wish to correct the evil you have done, it is as impossible to repair the damage done by your words as it is to recover the feathers. Your words are out there in the marketplace, spreading hate, even as we speak.”

How interesting it is that we, as human beings, so quick to believe the bad that others say about someone; so accepting of the “news” contained in print and television tabloids, and so ready to assume the worst regarding another’s actions, actually allow ourselves to believe that the evil “we” spread about someone won’t really matter. Incredible that we can’t seem to immediately and resolutely accept the fact that the gossip we speak can – and often does – significant damage to that person.

Bob’s friend, Paul Myers, says, “Gossip is like a fired bullet. Once you hear the sound, you can’t take it back.” That is what the man in the above story found out in a very disappointing, shameful moment of self-discovery. And it isn’t just what we say about someone to others, but what we say to that person directly as well. We’ve all been told that “Sticks and stones may break my bones but names will never harm me.” We also know that is totally untrue. While a body will typically recover from a physical injury, the harm caused by direct insults can sometimes last a lifetime, and tear the self-esteem right out of a person.

On the other hand, kind, encouraging words can build a person’s self-esteem, help him or her to grow and give them the impetus they need to do great, significant things with their lives. The choice regarding how we speak about or to someone is ours. It’s called “free will.”

http://jmm.aaa.net.au/articles/12771.htm

Five Reasons To Run A 5k

Saturday I ran my first 5k. I didn't plan on running a 5k. When I woke up Saturday morning I didn't know I was going to run a 5k. I didn't train for a 5k. But I ran a 5k. I've been chasing Jade around for 18 years now and since she's started running and gotten pretty fast, I'm going to have to start running myself if I have any hope of catching her. First, let me give you the bad: I'm in worse shape than I thought; it took me 45 minutes to run 3.2 miles (the winner did it in 23 minutes!!!); I had "dead legs" for two days. Now for the good.

#1 You need to know your own abilities/limits. I had no doubt I could do 3.2 miles walking. What I didn't know was how long I could run during the 5k. The answer was about 1 mile. I've always loved the Tyler Durden quote from Fight Club where he says, "I don't want to die without any scars." That was my approach to the 5k. I need to hurt, burn, get winded, sweat, be thirsty, be pushed to my limit and then push through. I may not like where I am, but at least now I know where I am.

#2 It feels good to accomplish something for the first time. I don't know if I'll ever run a 5k again (I'm guessing I will), but I know I'll never run one for the first time again. It felt good when I crossed the finish line to sit down and reflect on the past 45 minutes. I thought about the hills (oh those brutal, cruel hills), the turns, the long straight stretches, the goals I met and those I failed to meet. Ultimately I smiled because I had finished the race. I didn't finish first, but I finished. I won because I was racing myself and the course.

#3 The camaraderie is uplifting. In the moments before they fired the starting pistol everyone was high fiving one another, pumping each other up and sharing words of encouragement. Although it's been a long time since I experienced this, it reminded me of when I used to play football and baseball, and the moments right before the game began. Everyone was filled with optimism and excitement. I only knew about a fourth of the people, but it felt like I was among friends.

#4 Approaching the finish line makes you feel like the whole world is on your side. Too often in life we hear nothing but negative voices and criticism. People tell us what we can't do and why we will fail. In that last stretch leading to the finish line dozens of people, most of whom I didn't even know, were cheering for me, calling my name and telling me to keep going, push harder. For a moment I got distracted from the running and was caught up in the moment, feeling the rush of all of these voices blending together to tell me I could do it and then that I had done it. I was running!

#5 You get to be outside. Saturday was July 16th and usually this time of year is hot, hot, hot! Saturday was an exception. I think my favorite part of the race was just being outside, feeling the wind blowing on my face, looking up at the blue skies, listening to the sounds of the world around me. I loved running past the buildings of downtown Pulaski and through all of the neighborhoods. Truth is, we spend most of our time indoors and it is liberating to be outside, even if it's 90 degrees, even if you're out of breath and even if you're running a 5k.

Save The Date

About four months ago Jade (my wife) and I made a shocking discovery. We were making hotel reservations for an out of town trip for a doctors appointment and began discussing the last time we went away for a weekend alone. After several minutes of blank stares and perplexed expressions, we realized it had been over five years! As we thought back through our marriage we realized it only happened about once every two years.

Frequently our refrigerator is covered with engagement photos under the caption "Save the date" announcing their wedding day. Perhaps I should send a return letter to the newlyweds urging them to "save the date." By this I mean save the practice of going on dates after you're married. Why do people fall in love? Usually because they spend lots of time together talking, laughing, traveling and having fun.....dating. What happens once they get married? Too often they stop dating each other and once the dating stops, the countdown to love dying starts. Married couples need, need, need to keep dating.

I know the obstacles: jobs, kids, hectic schedules, money (remember I've been married for nearly 17 years). I can assure you, if you allow these things to be obstacles that keep you from dating, eventually they will become road blocks for your relationship. It doesn't have to be fancy, big or expensive, it just needs to be the two of you, alone, talking, spending time, having fun and showing affection. Ideally this would be once a week, but at the very least, once a month. Once you start you will crave this time and work hard and creatively to make it happen more frequently. We haven't always done this, but we do now and I look for every excuse and opportunity to be alone with my wife, whether it's for an hour or a weekend.

Our weekend together was such a shot to our marriage that when we got home we immediately booked the same bed and breakfast for a return trip in three months (which we just returned from this weekend). I've been with her since I was 17 and every time we get away like this, I feel like we're 17 again. We've been back less than a week and we've booked it again for our anniversary weekend. I'm counting the days until December 29th. I've saved the date.