We've all seen them. The guy who doesn't attend his ten year high school reunion because he's still hanging out with high school kids. The woman who should be wearing grown ups clothing but looks like she shops at Forever 21 or Hot Topic? When Brandon and Dylan and the rest of the gang were hanging out at the Peach Pit in 90210 they were almost thirty, but at least they looked seventeen, you don't, and even if you did, that was television, make believe, pretend, not real life.
Don't get me wrong, we all want to stay young and heart, and you don't have to dress like your grandfather, but at least act your age. I'm talking to you MTV! Did you realize that MTV turned 30 on Monday? Can you remember when thirty seemed OOOOOLLLLLDDDDD!?!?!?! If you do, you probably remember when MTV was young and tragically hip.
Guess what MTV, you're now a grown up, so why not start acting like one? Sure we could write off the seasons of practical jokes on Punk'd, the idiotic exploits of Viva La Bam, the skanky hook ups of the "Real" World, and celebrations of booze and barf from Spring Break as the youthful indiscretions of immaturity, but you're 30 now. Aren't you a little old for trashy shenanigans on the Jersey Shore, the spoiled brat exploits of My Super Sweet 16 and baby mamma drama of 16 and Pregnant/Teen Mom?
You trying to be cool and act like a teenager is as sad as watching Ozzy, Stephen Tyler, Mick Jagger, Bret Michaels, Vince Neil and all of the other guys who should be paw paws instead of "rock gods" prance around in leather leopard skin pants and no shirt. Ewww. Nobody wants to see that. You're no longer edgy or trendy, you're old and embarrassing. You are in need of a makeover and image overhaul worse than Britney Spears. You are I are old friends, we go way back, we grew up together, so please allow me to offer you a few suggestions:
#1- Play music! I recently scanned through my TV guide for music videos on MTV and would you believe that in an entire week the most music they played per day was four hours and that was between the hours of 3:00 am and 7:00 am. Come on MTV, don't you remember the good old days, back when we were actually teenagers and not acting like teenagers? Remember the first time you saw Smells Like Teen Spirit and you knew the days of lame hair metal/boys wearing make up music (yes I'm talking to you Poison, GNR, Motley Crue, Warrant) were over? Remember seeing LL Cool J on Unplugged (acoustic Hip Hop without samples and loops, played with a band!!!!!)? Remember when Pearl Jam introduced us to our parents generation of rock on the music awards with Neil Young and The Who? Remember when the Beastie Boys started playing instruments and Run DMC rapped with Aerosmith, single handedly launched the rap/rock era? Remember all of those crazy, envelope pushing, technologically amazing, impossibly choreographed Michael Jackson videos? You were personally responsible (thank you TRL) for creating the boy band, teen girl craze, twice! (NKOTB, Backstreet Boys, Boys II Men, Debbie Gibson, Tiffany....NSync, 98 Degrees, Britney, Christina Aguilera). Those moments are etched in my brain like snapshots of my youth. Do you really think this generation will be nostalgic in their thirties remembering Snooki puke all over herself or Johnny Knoxville shoot a bottle rocket from his butt? I would hope not.
#2-If you're going to talk about sex, drugs and drinking, at least do so responsibly. Educate on the dangers, demonstrate the consequences. Don't you think you're sending a bit of a mixed message when you follow up 16 and Pregnant (meant to show the realities and struggles of teen pregnancy) with The Real World: Las Vegas (which glamorizes hooking up, being hot and getting wasted)? Remember the days when you educated us about the dangers of AIDS/HIV, binge drinking and huffing paint? Now you seem to be encouraging it.
#3-Clean up your act. You seem to be really pushing young people to clean up the environment, why don't you start by cleaning up yours? Is anyone really entertained when you have to blur out the exposed body parts of your "Young and the Shameless" stars? How can I laugh or be moved by dialogue when 50 to 75% of it has to be "beeped" out? Little kids get away with bad words and nudity because they don't know better, you do. When grown ups do it, it's just tacky.
MTV, you were once like a cool older brother, now you're like a creepy uncle. It's time you act your age. Are you too old to remember how cool you used to be? Since the "M" isn't for music anymore, can you at least let it stand for maturity?
