This past weekend was one of the best I've had in a longtime. I got to spend some greatly needed time with my best friend and his family. I got to teach an awesome group of college kids about dating, relationships and marriage advice. I made some new friends and got to catch up with some old ones. All in all it was a great three days. However, there was a little bit of a cloud to my silver lining, for a couple of reasons.
As I mentioned I got to spend time with my best friend and his family, but there was a downside. Obviously we didn't have enough time to hang out together, but the downer was something else. His three girls all look so grown, and that is partially because they are practically grown. The oldest I met when she was two years old, the same age at the time as my oldest. They were best buddies while her father and I were in school together. We were at one another's houses constantly, so we saw her grow from practically a baby to a little girl and have continued to be a part of one another's lives in the fifteen years since. Because she and my oldest are the same age, events in her life seem to carry a little more weight in our lives than another might. This summer I will officiate her wedding and I thought of that often as she sat in my college class on dating, relationships and marriage this weekend. I remember when his middle daughter was born. We babysat his oldest while they were at the hospital getting her a little sister. I remember taking his firstborn to the hospital to meet her new sister for the first time. And though we lived 500 miles apart when his youngest was born, in the 13 years since then I have been in their home and they in ours dozens of times. Ironically my two best friends each have three daughters and they are the closest thing to a daughter that I will ever have. I love each of them like they are family, because to me they are.
The other reason is way closer to home. It literally is in my home. It's one thing to watch your best friends family grow up, but even tougher when it forces you to see the parallel in your own children. His oldest and my oldest are the same age. My second and his middle are the same age. When I look at them growing up I'm getting another perspective of my own two growing up. You don't notice it as much in your own children because you see them everyday and the changes are subtle and spread over time. With his children I only see them a couple of times a year if I'm lucky and those changes are profound. Then I look at my two again and realize how "grown" they are. They have gone from playing with girls to not noticing girls to thinking girls were gross and weird (they definitely aren't gross, but I still think they are a little weird), to being obsessed with girls, to having a proper perspective about them. This weekend I watched as both of my sons started "talking" to a couple of girls. What exactly "talking" means I have no idea (of course asking them doesn't do any good because you just get a vague, "I don't know, we're just talking", oh ok, that clears it up). I still haven't figured out what it meant when I was in middle school and I was "going with" a girl or in high school when I was "going out" with a girl. Regardless, it means they are developing relationships with girls on some degree of a romantic level, however small or great. This isn't the first time, but when you realize how "grown" they are getting it takes on a different tone. You start to realize things could change drastically and quickly. After all, they are the age their mother and I were when that first spark flickered in our eyes. This is where it gets really tricky for parents. You realize every girl they bring around has the potential to be "the one." And that eventually one of these girls is going to definitely be "the one." With that in mind you want to be nice to them and make them feel comfortable around your family and you even try to like them yourselves, right after you stalk their Facebook and Twitter accounts to make sure they meet your criteria of course. After all, you may be spending the next 30 or 40 holidays, birthdays and vacations with them, and they will control your access to your grandchildren, so you better make nice. The problem is, just when you start to really like one, you know, after they have passed your parent tests and "earned" the right to spend time with your child, they break up. They go their separate ways, but for you, it's like changing channels on a TV show just as you start to get interested. You don't get closure, they're just sitting on your couch one night and are never to be seen again the next. Then you have that conversation, "I really liked that one."
The only source of sanity is that I realized long ago I am not in control when it comes to when, where and who Cupid's arrows strike. I don't worry too much about it because since they were babies I've been praying for their wives. I don't know who they are, where they live or when they will meet, but I know Who does. And until He introduces them, and us, I'll keep praying for them. All of them.
As I mentioned I got to spend time with my best friend and his family, but there was a downside. Obviously we didn't have enough time to hang out together, but the downer was something else. His three girls all look so grown, and that is partially because they are practically grown. The oldest I met when she was two years old, the same age at the time as my oldest. They were best buddies while her father and I were in school together. We were at one another's houses constantly, so we saw her grow from practically a baby to a little girl and have continued to be a part of one another's lives in the fifteen years since. Because she and my oldest are the same age, events in her life seem to carry a little more weight in our lives than another might. This summer I will officiate her wedding and I thought of that often as she sat in my college class on dating, relationships and marriage this weekend. I remember when his middle daughter was born. We babysat his oldest while they were at the hospital getting her a little sister. I remember taking his firstborn to the hospital to meet her new sister for the first time. And though we lived 500 miles apart when his youngest was born, in the 13 years since then I have been in their home and they in ours dozens of times. Ironically my two best friends each have three daughters and they are the closest thing to a daughter that I will ever have. I love each of them like they are family, because to me they are.
The other reason is way closer to home. It literally is in my home. It's one thing to watch your best friends family grow up, but even tougher when it forces you to see the parallel in your own children. His oldest and my oldest are the same age. My second and his middle are the same age. When I look at them growing up I'm getting another perspective of my own two growing up. You don't notice it as much in your own children because you see them everyday and the changes are subtle and spread over time. With his children I only see them a couple of times a year if I'm lucky and those changes are profound. Then I look at my two again and realize how "grown" they are. They have gone from playing with girls to not noticing girls to thinking girls were gross and weird (they definitely aren't gross, but I still think they are a little weird), to being obsessed with girls, to having a proper perspective about them. This weekend I watched as both of my sons started "talking" to a couple of girls. What exactly "talking" means I have no idea (of course asking them doesn't do any good because you just get a vague, "I don't know, we're just talking", oh ok, that clears it up). I still haven't figured out what it meant when I was in middle school and I was "going with" a girl or in high school when I was "going out" with a girl. Regardless, it means they are developing relationships with girls on some degree of a romantic level, however small or great. This isn't the first time, but when you realize how "grown" they are getting it takes on a different tone. You start to realize things could change drastically and quickly. After all, they are the age their mother and I were when that first spark flickered in our eyes. This is where it gets really tricky for parents. You realize every girl they bring around has the potential to be "the one." And that eventually one of these girls is going to definitely be "the one." With that in mind you want to be nice to them and make them feel comfortable around your family and you even try to like them yourselves, right after you stalk their Facebook and Twitter accounts to make sure they meet your criteria of course. After all, you may be spending the next 30 or 40 holidays, birthdays and vacations with them, and they will control your access to your grandchildren, so you better make nice. The problem is, just when you start to really like one, you know, after they have passed your parent tests and "earned" the right to spend time with your child, they break up. They go their separate ways, but for you, it's like changing channels on a TV show just as you start to get interested. You don't get closure, they're just sitting on your couch one night and are never to be seen again the next. Then you have that conversation, "I really liked that one."
The only source of sanity is that I realized long ago I am not in control when it comes to when, where and who Cupid's arrows strike. I don't worry too much about it because since they were babies I've been praying for their wives. I don't know who they are, where they live or when they will meet, but I know Who does. And until He introduces them, and us, I'll keep praying for them. All of them.
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