The Communists Have Won

     I grew up at the tail end of the Cold War Era. For my children the greatest enemy and threat to America is Al Qaeda, the Taliban or radical Islam, but for my generation it was the Soviet Union, Communist Russia. This fact was reinforced through our pop culture. When the United States was invaded in the 1984 movie "Red Dawn", the Patrick Swayze and Charlie Sheen led group of high schoolers, the Calumet High Wolverines, it was by the Russians. Who did Rocky have to face in a boxing ring in Moscow? Ivan "I Must Break You" Drago and a bloodthirsty crowd of Soviets. When President Regan declared, "Mr. Gorbachev, tear down this wall", the Berlin Wall was torn down, the Iron Curtain fell and perestroika and glasnost swept the U.S.S.R. The Russians could not buy Pepsi, Levi's, Nike and watch MTV. The 80's hair metal band Scorpion even commemorated these changes with their hit song "Winds Of Change." Even Mikhail Gorbachev (or at least an actor portraying him) applauded Rocky Balboa's victory as the crowd chanted, "U.S.A. U.S.A." All of this was proof we won, right? Wrong. Let me explain.
     I, along with most all self respecting, God fearing, Southern men of my generation, lamented and vocally opposed the expansion, acceptance and indoctrination of soccer into our country. When we grew up there were no school soccer teams, youth leagues or MLS. We played soccer one week a year during P.E. (along with kickball and square dancing). Even then we didn't even have rules beyond kick it in the goal and only the goalie can touch the ball with his hands. That was part of the problem. We were predisposed to be suspicious of any sport that didn't allow you to use your hands. To make matters worse, the only thing we really knew about soccer is that foreigners (not the cool ones that sang "Jukebox Hero" and "I Wanna Know What Love Is") blasphemously referred to it as "futbol." This wasn't football. The NFL had Walter Payton, Joe Montana, Ronnie Lott, Bo Jackson, rough, tough, rugged men's men. That was football. Soccer had weirdos with hippie hair and braided beards, with names like Alexi Lalas and Pele. To make matters worse they wore sissy clothes. Their cleats were skinny, neon colored, feminine looking, unlike my blue collar steel spikes for baseball. The jerseys had more sponsorships and logos on them than a Jeff Gordon car. And the icing on the cake? It was BORING!!! These guys would run around for an hour and a half and never even score!?! Are you kidding me? When I saw soccer on TV it was: kick it this way for a minute, now kick it the other way for a minute, now back the other way again. Rinse. Repeat. For two hours. Add it all up and we had no choice but to see soccer as a communist plot to infiltrate and overthrow us.
     Much to our chagrin, we saw youth leagues pop up. School teams began soon after that. Then came MLS (Major League Soccer) and ESPN Deportes started showing highlights, then games, then ESPN (not ESPN2 or ESPNU) started showing it. Once EA Sports released FIFA video games we knew it was just a matter of time until our sons and daughters were wanting to play. I watched begrudgingly, my first soccer game ever less than two months ago. I had no idea what was going on and it was boring, but I watched it because my freshman and senior sons were on their school team and both started. Since then I have watched many more soccer matches, some in blazing heat, some in freezing cold, some in the rain and some a four hour drive from our house. Monday night I drove three hours by myself to watch a soccer game (it was a state tournament playoff game and potentially, my senior's final game). That's when it happened. I waved the white flag and surrendered to the communist plot.
     The atmosphere in the stadium was as hostile as any I've ever been in (football, baseball, basketball). A sheriff deputy REQUIRED us to sit on the visitors side instead of the bleachers. The team my son played was as rough, tough, mean and vulgar as any KGB interrogators in Siberia. My son's team went down 1-0 in the first five minutes of the game and it remained the same score until the final two minutes, despite a dozen shots on the opponents goal. This is when it happened. Our boys tied the game with less than two minutes to go. The ten or so fans on our side of the field erupted in cheers far louder than the many more fans on the other side, who were now eerily silent, but fighting mad. But not me. I jumped up out of my chair, screamed at the top of my lungs, high fives and hugged everyone in sight and cheered until I was hoarse. To make a really long story just a long story, GCS won the game in overtime on a penalty kick and my hoarse voice screamed again and hugged my son. My senior. My soccer player. We always knew it would be through the kids that the communists would get us. The other team cussed, took cheap shots and tried to start fights, but we won. You read that right.....WE. The communist soccer plot has succeeded. I genuinely, truly, as much as any football game, got super excited and enjoyed a soccer game. In the words of Rocky, "What I'm trying to say is, if I can change, and you can change, everybody can change!" I am a soccer fan. For Mother Russia, comrade.