A Conversation With My Teenage Self

Day 140 (Written Monday April 30) ~ Today I ran into my teenage self and we had a wonderful time catching up. The conversation was compelling, nostalgic, and long overdue. He reminded me of some things that I had completely forgotten and encouraged me to keep listening to my heart and to not stop following my songline. Let me back for a minute to explain. One of the best parts about moving is that you come across things you haven’t seen in forever. For me it was some things I had written when I was about 16. I started writing when I was in 4th grade (thank you Mrs. Franklin) and I haven’t stopped since. I have written short stories, poems, songs, articles, Bible class materials and have been trying/threatening to write a book for twenty years (bucket list item). While packing up the house I ran across a book I started writing when I was in the tenth grade. I sat down to read it and my teenage self reminded me of some things I had forgotten. Somewhere between 16 and 36 I convinced myself that staying in my hometown was what I truly wanted. Listening to him tonight, I know that just simply isn’t true. I’ll stop talking now and let him explain. (The following are excerpts from the book I began writing at 16, as spoken through the main character Dean Colbin). “All his remembered life three dreams had filled his head: flying planes, writing, and doing both by the sea....but Dean had decided he didn’t want to just dream anymore...Dean decided to do something about it.” “The next few months leading up to graduation Dean spent, not dreaming, but planning. He slowly and discreetly began feeding these plans to his parents...his mother knew her son well, and never doubted...he was pleased to discover his parents had no real objections to his taking off...he couldn’t wait.” “Graduation day finally came. Dean sat calmly in his seat, his eyes scanning the audience. It seemed the entire town had come out to watch. He didn’t mind. It gave him a chance to get a last look at everyone. Dean began to wonder which ones he would never see again...Dean couldn’t help but wonder what would happen to their friendship after he left...maybe he would drop in for a surprise visit between adventures, just to fill him in on his travels.” “He hesitantly walked up to the podium, took his diploma, and took one final look at the school, his teachers, friends, friends parents and his life. After thirteen years of hard work and problems he never thought he’d survive, it was all over. He was glad to be graduating, but he was at the same time terribly sad. His life was going to drastically change forever. Nothing was ever going to be the same again. In the middle of this sorrow, Dean smiled. His life wasn’t over, it was just beginning.” I believe this is what they call in literary terms, “foreshadowing.” When I started writing this book there was no such thing as a blog (there was no such thing as the internet for that matter), so the lead character wrote a daily journal. I’ll close my online “journal” for today with his words. “I finally did it. After years of threatening to run away I actually lived up to my promises. Whether or not I did the right thing will probably take a few decades to figure out. But hey, it feels like the right thing to do and the best time to do it.” Who would have ever thought that a 16 year old boy could teach a 36 year old man so much?