Day 107 (Written Wednesday March 28) ~ There is often a very, very fine line between confident and cocky. There is an equally fine line between humility and insecurity. Usually we find ourselves shakily trying to balance on the tightrope of these two extremes, and sometimes we fall. Most of us are, by nature, very insecure. However, few of us would ever admit it, at least publicly. Truth is, most all of us just want to be reassured that we are normal and that everyone else is struggling with the same things. It doesn’t make our problems go away, it just comforts us to know that we aren’t freaks going through this world alone.
The reason we don’t know this is because we are too afraid to say it out loud for fear that our greatest fears will be proven true. Another reason is because we fear, probably because we have experienced it, that when we confide in someone, they will tell others and our insecurities might be used against us. Despite this fear, when we are able to “get it off our chest” it can be such a relief. I have read many accounts where people have gotten caught doing something they knew was wrong, were actually relieved to be found out, because the secret keeping was crushing. I believe the same is true with our insecurities. It can feel so good to tell someone else what we are afraid of, and not be judged for it. I have insecurities (I have a high forehead, bad teeth, varicose veins, a pot belly, and sunken eyes and droopy eyelids), but they don’t depress me because I can talk to my wife about them and know that she loves me, not because I’m perfect, but despite my imperfections.
Virtually every woman I have ever known, from middle school to the present, has terrible insecurities concerning body image. I don’t know a woman (at least judging by what I hear them say) who doesn’t think she is fat. Even the ones who obviously are not fat, are convinced they are fat. I’m not talking about anorexics who have a genuine psychological disorder, I’m just talking about regular women who think they are fat. How many times have you overheard this conversation? (Woman #1 says to woman #2), “I love your new hair cut and that color looks great on you.” (Woman #2 says to woman #1), “Oh, I don’t know if I like it, my forehead is too high to wear it like this. I wish I had your curls instead of my flat hair. I love those sandals you’re wearing though.” (Woman #1 says to woman #2), “Thanks girl, I got these at Payless for $9.00. They’re cute, but I hate my feet. They’re gross, I need a pedicure.” (Woman #2 says to woman #1), “Me too. I’d love to wear sandals like that but I’ve got cankles (calves that can’t be distinguished from your ankles) and they just don’t look right on me.” (Woman #1 says to woman #2), “Oh you don’t. But at least you could cover them up with pants and shoes, I’ve got a turkey neck and the only way I can cover it up is with turtlenecks, which don’t work for summer.”
I will admit, women are much more open about discussing their insecurities than men, but that doesn’t mean they have more insecurities than men. We just don’t talk about it as much. In fact, we usually do the opposite. We take our flaws and try to spin them off as positives. (Man #1 says to man #2), “What’s up fat boy?” (said while patting his belly). You look like you could drop about 25 pounds.” (Man #2 says to man #1), “Are you kidding me? You know how long it’s taken me to get this? I’ve spent $25,000 on ribs, fried chicken and pizza to get it to look this way. Why would I want to get rid of it? Some guys are content with a six pack, I’ve got a keg. What about you? Your hair turned gray and then it just turned loose bald eagle.” (Man #1 says to man #2), “That’s because I’m so good looking it wasn’t fair to all your other guys. Besides, nobody can see my bald head because it’s hidden behind these two mountains (at which point he lifts his arms and flexes his biceps).”
Isn’t it strange, women compliment one another only to reject those compliments and search for flaws to point out in themselves, while men insult one another and reject those likely accurate critiques to focus on make believe attributes? Truth is, we all look in the mirror and see things we don’t like and wish were different. Some we can change, others we are stuck with. Everyone may not say it, but they are thinking it.
The reason we don’t know this is because we are too afraid to say it out loud for fear that our greatest fears will be proven true. Another reason is because we fear, probably because we have experienced it, that when we confide in someone, they will tell others and our insecurities might be used against us. Despite this fear, when we are able to “get it off our chest” it can be such a relief. I have read many accounts where people have gotten caught doing something they knew was wrong, were actually relieved to be found out, because the secret keeping was crushing. I believe the same is true with our insecurities. It can feel so good to tell someone else what we are afraid of, and not be judged for it. I have insecurities (I have a high forehead, bad teeth, varicose veins, a pot belly, and sunken eyes and droopy eyelids), but they don’t depress me because I can talk to my wife about them and know that she loves me, not because I’m perfect, but despite my imperfections.
Virtually every woman I have ever known, from middle school to the present, has terrible insecurities concerning body image. I don’t know a woman (at least judging by what I hear them say) who doesn’t think she is fat. Even the ones who obviously are not fat, are convinced they are fat. I’m not talking about anorexics who have a genuine psychological disorder, I’m just talking about regular women who think they are fat. How many times have you overheard this conversation? (Woman #1 says to woman #2), “I love your new hair cut and that color looks great on you.” (Woman #2 says to woman #1), “Oh, I don’t know if I like it, my forehead is too high to wear it like this. I wish I had your curls instead of my flat hair. I love those sandals you’re wearing though.” (Woman #1 says to woman #2), “Thanks girl, I got these at Payless for $9.00. They’re cute, but I hate my feet. They’re gross, I need a pedicure.” (Woman #2 says to woman #1), “Me too. I’d love to wear sandals like that but I’ve got cankles (calves that can’t be distinguished from your ankles) and they just don’t look right on me.” (Woman #1 says to woman #2), “Oh you don’t. But at least you could cover them up with pants and shoes, I’ve got a turkey neck and the only way I can cover it up is with turtlenecks, which don’t work for summer.”
I will admit, women are much more open about discussing their insecurities than men, but that doesn’t mean they have more insecurities than men. We just don’t talk about it as much. In fact, we usually do the opposite. We take our flaws and try to spin them off as positives. (Man #1 says to man #2), “What’s up fat boy?” (said while patting his belly). You look like you could drop about 25 pounds.” (Man #2 says to man #1), “Are you kidding me? You know how long it’s taken me to get this? I’ve spent $25,000 on ribs, fried chicken and pizza to get it to look this way. Why would I want to get rid of it? Some guys are content with a six pack, I’ve got a keg. What about you? Your hair turned gray and then it just turned loose bald eagle.” (Man #1 says to man #2), “That’s because I’m so good looking it wasn’t fair to all your other guys. Besides, nobody can see my bald head because it’s hidden behind these two mountains (at which point he lifts his arms and flexes his biceps).”
Isn’t it strange, women compliment one another only to reject those compliments and search for flaws to point out in themselves, while men insult one another and reject those likely accurate critiques to focus on make believe attributes? Truth is, we all look in the mirror and see things we don’t like and wish were different. Some we can change, others we are stuck with. Everyone may not say it, but they are thinking it.
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