Why Can't We Be Friends?

36, Day 50 (Written Monday January 30)

While reading through some old yearbooks I noticed the frequency with which girls from my school days used the term BFF. For those of you who didn't grow up in the 80's and 90's, that stood for "Best Friends Forever." One of the things I noticed was that through the years the person being labeled as a BFF, would often change from year to year. That got me to thinking about all of the "best friends" I have had through the years and why it changed so much.

From around age 5 until about age 10 my BFF was Bryan Beets. We lived in the same neighborhood and had the same interests: fireworks, G.I. Joe, Star Wars, Transformers and riding bikes. We hung out practically everyday, and then I moved. After that we started seeing less of each other. We remained friends throughout middle and high school and even were shared an apartment and pledged the same fraternity in college, and I even performed his wedding, but we were never as close as we were during our days in Vales Mill subdivision.

Somewhere around that time I started hanging out through Cub Scouts with Brandon Johns. From the time we were about 11 until we were 16 we were inseparable. Virtually every Friday night we spent the night with one another, repeating the same routine: get a pizza, rent horror movies, play Nintendo (we loved Contra, up, up, down, down, left, right, left, right, B, A, start, if you don't know what that means you weren't a teenage boy in the 80's), and play war. We talked about baseball cards and which Bridgeforth Middle School 8th grade cheerleader we had a crush on this week, and vacationed together. We spent two weeks together in Panama City Beach or Destin, Flordia every summer for over five years. We even had our own nicknames (he was Paco because he looked Puerto Rican and I was Doy because his dad made that up one day). Once we turned 16 our social circle began to grow and expand to other schools and other towns, and though we remained good friends and in the same circle of friends, but it was never the same again, although I did perform his wedding too.

When I turned 17 I started hanging out with Jode Holden and Brad Liddie, and continue to do so until I was 21 years old. I had been friends with both of them for several years, but because we were all on the Giles County High School baseball team, we spent a lot of time together. When I think of them I think of the Jimmy Buffett song, "Stories We Could Tell", which I won't because my kids might read this blog. We spent so much time together that Jade swears we didn't go on a date without Jode until we had been married a couple of years, and you know, that's not too much of an exaggeration. Even after we married, Jode and Brad hung out at our house (when Brad wasn't in boot camp or away at college). Even when Reese was born we spent most weekends just down the road at Marvin and Diane Cooper's house (Jode's mom and step dad). For those of you who have wondered, this family is the source of my Louisiana obsession. Jode and his kin are all from the New Orleans area. The three of us spent a week in New Orleans leading up to my wedding (Jode was living in Louisiana and Brad and I drove down to get him so he could be in my wedding). Once we got back we literally flipped a coin to determine which one would be my best man at my wedding. But just like every other BFF, life took us in different directions. Jode moved back to Louisiana, Brad went off to college and eventually Iraq and I went to preaching school. My lifestyle changed drastically so the things we had in common got fewer and fewer. I did however perform Brad's wedding too.

Once I got to Memphis, I met two guys, that I initially did not like very much. One I thought was a kiss up and the other I thought was completely goofy. Mark Reynolds, Tony Choate and I didn't appear to have a lot in common initially, but the more time I spent with them, the more I came to view them as brothers. The two year grind of preaching school together just solidified our bond. I would be hard pressed to think of anything about me that those two don't know. We studied together, vacationed together, raised children together. However, once we graduated the Memphis School of Preaching we all had full time jobs at least four hours apart, and multiple children, so there was little time to be together.

Mixed in through all these years were some "short term" BFF's, both boys and girls. There was Troy Lindsey in fourth grade, who lived in my neighborhood and contributed to the worst bike wreck I ever had (he talked me into riding our bikes down the water tower hill in Green Acres.....I didn't make it). We were on the same baseball team for one year and I had a huge crush on his older sister Jenny. He also had a dog named Peppi that had gastrointestinal issues. He moved to Cookeville and I haven't been able to track him down since. In seventh grade there was Joseph Hancock who I went to church with and helped influence me to be baptized. He lived with his grandmother and was great artist. I had a huge crush on his cousin Tonya who lived in Lawrenceburg (are you seeing a pattern here?). Joseph moved back in with his mom in Lawrenceburg in 8th grade and the last time I saw him was at Bull Market when we were 22. One week later he was killed in a car crash. From 7th grade until 11th grade there was Kacey Jones. We tried dating several times but always realized we were more like brother and sister than boyfriend and girlfriend. We were either hanging out or on the phone nearly everyday. Her dad Jim literally, physically threw me out of their house one night (that is a story for another blog). When we were 17 she started dating Dusty Parker and I started dating Jade Maxey so we stop spending time together, which brings me to the conclusion of this blog.

I still love all of the people mentioned in this blog. There was no big fight, not fall out, no betrayal. We just all gradually drifted. Life had different plans for each of us. The Aborigines believe we all have Songlines that we must find and follow to reach our destiny in life, so I guess our paths were only meant to intersect, not run parallel. There was however, one with whom it did run parallel. Her name is Jade and she is my one, true BFF. I met her when I was 17 and have rarely spent a day without her since. That's the difference between her and all of the previous BFF's. Friends come and go and the main reason our friendships begin and end has to do with time spent together. I still remember all of those friends with happiness and fond memories. Occasionally I run in to them and have a conversation, a phone call or a meal, but that's about it. Jade on the other hand I see everyday and share my life with. We make memories.