Jade and I have a reputation for staying way too late at friends houses. This has been the case for fifteen years and you would think turning 36 would change that, but apparently it hasn't. Tuesday night we celebrated Christmas with another of our non-related family members (see http://brandonbritton.blogspot.com/2011/12/36-day-8-are-we-family-written-sunday.html for explanation), and once again we stayed way late, like 2:30 am late. But here's the thing, it seems that after 11:00 pm the conversations have a tendency to get more real. Maybe it is because we are too tired to put forth the effort to mask our true feelings. Whatever the reason, it happens, and I love it. We actually have a tradition with some of our closest friend-families (Jeremy and Sherri James) of getting together twice a year at our house and staying up until about 4:00 am talking. I look forward to those two nights a year like they are a vacation.
Tonight we weren't with the James' but still had a profound and edifying conversation. It started with a question about marriage, divorce and remarriage but gradually morphed into a discussion of grace, forgiveness and loving like Jesus instead of like Christians. Dear Christian brethren, I am trying to imitate Jesus, not you. He is my standard, not you, and I am only concerned with pleasing Him, not you. I heard a man say on one occasion, Pharisees want you to look and be like them, disciples want you to look and be like Jesus.
One of the things I took away from this conversation was that when you encounter someone who is lost, dying and hurting in sin, they just need you to help them get out ASAP and not explain to them why they are in the mess to begin with. It's kind of like a drowning man. Rather than lecture him on why he is drowning (you didn't wear a lifevest, you swam where there is no lifeguard on duty, you are in over your head, you don't know how to swim), he just needs you to pull him out of the water. Let him catch his breath, and then you can help him to learn how not to drown again.
We also talked about forgiveness. Notice that it is forGIVENESS, not forEARNEDness. Meaning, don't expect, wait for, or make people earn it, be willing to give it. In order for forgiveness to occur, you have to first desire it, then offer it and if necessary pursue it. You will not ever forgive until you decide that you want to. You can't offer it because you have to, are asked to or are told to. You have to want to, and that is the hardest step in forgiveness. Maybe this will help you take that step: just remember forgiving someone has nothing to do with them and everything to do with God. You are not forgiving them because they deserve to be forgiven, but because God has asked you to forgive them, even as He for Christ sake has forgiven you (Ephesians 4:32). Once you desire to forgive, then you offer forgiveness. This means you don't wait for them to ask for it, you go to them and offer it. If they ask for it in response to your offer, you have gained a brother, but if they reject it (denying they need it or saying they don't even want it), then you must begin to pursue forgiveness. You can't say, "Well I tried, I offered, but they didn't want it." You must continue to try to reach a place of forgiveness. How long did God pursue forgiving you? How long did He offer before you accepted? How long are you willing to pursue forgiveness for those who have wronged you? We expect them to come to us, but in truth, we are just as obligated to go to them and offer. Look at Matthew 18:15ff. Jesus says go to them and offer it. If they reject, take others with you, the whole church if need be. In other words, pursue forgiveness.
Of course there is another side to this coin. In order for forgiveness to occur, the offender must seek forgiveness and the offended must offer it. I can desire to forgive you, offer to forgive you and seek/pursue forgiving you, but you cannot be forgiven until you accept forgiveness (which requires you acknowledging you need it, i.e. you've done something wrong). God desires to forgive me. He offers to forgive me and if I reject His forgiveness He pursues me. It is only when I accept His forgiveness that I can actually enjoy it. Hit me up and tell me what you think...we'll be up all night.
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